Meet Fifi - a faux friend

The air base I'm on is HUGE - miles and miles wide with services being scattered from one end to the next. Over the last 4 days I have been walking everywhere. My feet have blisters, my shoes look trashed and everything takes a-really-long-time to accomplish. So basically, walking here BLOWS. 

To remedy my irritation with not having a car, I became the official owner of a shiny new European-style blue bicycle (to be consistent with my current blue obsession). I've purchased every accessory possible to include a bell, matching helmet and black wire front basket. 

I take her outside to prep her for photos (yes, the bike is a 'she'). As I'm making all of the final adjustments, I have an overwhelming feeling of love for my new transportation. This blue bicycle is a symbol of FREEDOM as I can now jet around the base in record time. PLUS, on my next day off I can ride into the nearest city and fill the basket with flowers and a baguette. Just like the movies! I feel so European chic and savvy. 

Out of love and respect, I decide to name her Fifi (pronounced Fee-Fee). Ms. Fifi and I are going to explore and shop. Watch out Germany, I have a new friend bicycle. I put on my helmet and get ready for the inaugural ride. I'm so excited and I can barely stand it.

I begin to pedal, and the pedals spin furiously yet the bike doesn't move forward. Huh. OK - it must be set in the lowest gear, no biggie. 

I pedal again, trying to shift gears. This time I nearly fall over. Wth?

Looking down I see the stupid chain has come off,  and thanks to my adorable European cover I can't put it back on. SUCK. I wheel the bike back inside and con the young flower/garden cashier-guy to put it back on for me. After many "shysa's" which was easy to translate into "sh*t", he got it back on. 

OK, lets try this again. I start to pedal and the basket is throwing the weight off so it take a bit of adjusting.

After a few minutes I notice that cars driving by are STARING. Not the 'You're on a bike so you must have gotten a DUI" kind of American stare. NO......this was the 'Hey, look at the NERD on her dumb bike", kind of stare.

Feeling slightly self conscious, I pedal faster and ignore all other vehicles. What......what's this? My legs are tired? Are you kidding me? I've been on the bike for 10 minutes and my quads were  shot. Sure, its super windy out but how is this even possible? I remember bicycling being super easy. Looks like I'm not in that great of shape after all. Shysa. 

So now Fifi is in my room and looking ridicouslously new. I will take her to work tomorrow and see what everyone says. I've already been teased for looking too nice, so I'm sure Fifi will bring me puh-lenty of unwanted attention.

OH and btw...no one will know I've named her. Just you, so don't tell.

Yes, thats bags of manure behind me. I didn't plan the shot very well.