Truth be known, I'm not really a confrontive person. I've never been one to have quick comebacks and find that my technique is to 'PROCESS' and then return to the conversation later. Of course, that's not always an option.
However.... ..today's little incident has been brewing for awhile. Here's the backdrop and the story.
There is a female I work with that is:
- THROWS HER HANDS AROUND WHEN SHE TALKS
- OVERALL, INCREDIBLY INTIMIDATING
- BONUS TRAIT: CONDESCENDING and MAKES YOU FEEL INSIGNIFICANT
LET'S CALL HER..........Ms. BLACK CAT.
I've successfully avoided BLACK CAT for the last few weeks, but my new friend 'Ms. T' has been working with her exclusively, and at the end of each day I find Ms. T in my dorm room on the brink of tears as she feels useless and stupid from Ms. CAT'S hash criticism.
Delicious beer, hugs and supportive words can only do so much......
I have renamed my new friend 'Ms. T' to 'BETTY' which is short for 'BEATEN BETTY'. Each day she goes into work thinking it will be better just like a domestic abuse victim, and at the end of the day when she's been beaten up again - she continues to make excuses for the hostile situation.
Today I had the
OMG, really? WTH just happened? Did I hear that right? Me - initiative? Are you kidding me?
I'm an ADMINISTRATIVE person, and yesterday I was cleaning up body fluids and my body aches everywhere from LIFTING HEAVY PATIENTS. Not to mention you're picking on my weak friend, and now you were moving on to me? The SMACK DOWN was ON.
Those that know me, know that I am EXTREMELY PROTECTIVE of my friends and those close to me (Vern - you out there? I know you can vouch for this!), to the point where any confrontive fears go out the window. I will quickly get in your face and give you a FIRST CLASS ASS CHEWING if your bother my friends or behave inappropriately. Its 2nd nature.
I was PISSED after her little snarky comment, but had to hold my cool for 2 HOURS while we dealt with the patients. The funny thing is she sensed I was pissed, and started changing her attitude. She began kissing up to Beaten Betty and being overly sweet to me.
I wasn't falling for it, and patiently counted down to our minutes alone. Once we arrived back at work she conveniently disappeared.
I was on the HUNT FOR BLACK CAT, she was going to to get cornered whether she liked it or not. I had her this time and there was no way she could talk her way out of it. I was feeling SMUG and POWERFUL.
I found Ms. BLACK CAT behind closed doors in the very back office having a private conversation with the other co-worker that was on the bus. I didn't care.
I said, "Sergeant BLACK CAT, I need you to come outside so I can speak to you privately". (We are the same rank, btw). She stomps to an area I lead her to.
ME: "When we were on the bus I heard you say XXXXX, and I want to know why you said that?"
SHE: Blah, blah blah....insert 'confusing conversation about nothing'. She was trying to do the TALK OFF with me. You know the 'TALK OFF' .... when someone confronts you and you talk about crazy details of something insignificant to throw them off the original topic?
Yeah, that wasn't happening with me. I went in for the KILL.
ME: Ok, so I'm confused... just to clarify....(insert me going into extreme detail to keep her form avoiding the issue). SUCCESS! She crumbled!!! She said she was directing her comment towards 'other people' on the flight line and not me. I corrected her behavior by saying no one deserves her snarky comments and he behavior was hurting morale and then did the WALK OFF, head high and chest out. I felt like a Marine after battle.
Within 3 hours, I am getting major RESPECT from BLACK CAT. She drove me to get groceries, dropped me off at my room and in general is being very polite. We might end up being friends after all of this.
As for BEATEN BETTY, as much as I'd like to protect her, its NOT MY PLACE. She needs to have the confidence to confront BLACK CAT just like I did so she can gain the same respect level. Until it happens, she will be chewed up and spit out every single day.
Sadly, Betty's parting words to me today was, "If I just wait it out it will get better".
Crap, I'm going to run out of beer.
|This is going to be expensive......|